DingDingDing! Round Two.

For a few months I was feeling like I was getting this mothering-thing somewhat down. Kaylin is happy, on a good schedule, and we have a lot of love in our little family. My kitchen is usually a mess, but I consider that of secondary importance because, hey, my baby can crawl and feed herself. I must be SuperMom!
But I haven't been feeling so much like SuperMom lately. I've been feeling tired, stressed, overwhelmed, and uneasy. I don't really know why I'm laying this all out on the blog, but here it goes.
For those who aren't informed....I'm pregnant again. 14 weeks today. Kaylin is 8 months old. That means if I delivered on time, my kids will be barely over 14 months apart. But there's a good chance they will be closer than that.



Double trouble. Twice as nice. Or is it Thrice as nice? If three babies are barely more than one year apart, does that technically make them triplets? I'm sort of teasing, sort of not. I feel like I'm about to have triplets. And if I'm truly truly truly honest, it scares me to death. Scary without a hint of excitement. In general, I've been struggling with the idea of being pregnant again and even more so with the reality of having twins. To tell the truth, I've never wanted multiples. And I've actually given it thought in the past. I've actually thought to myself that I would not be able to handle more than one at a time. As much as I've always wanted a big family, I wouldn't have asked to build my family with the speed at which we are doing it. I'm currently a new, first-time mom, a few months away from being a mother of three. WHAT?!?!
I realize that I'm not the first woman on the planet to be in my shoes, so I don't want to over-dramatize the situation. My prayer however is that God will soften my heart and help me not to be subject to my fears. I am not worried that I won't love my children. I do want these babies. But I already miss my daughter. My little Kaylie. And I fear that I will fail x3. I already fail Kayles enough as it is and it will only be compounded with two more in the mix.
I've known about this pregnancy for a long time now and it's still not an easy subject for me. I'm still not used to the idea or feeling equipped. That's why I'm thrilled that I have an all-powerful God who is sovereign over my life and the lives of my children and husband.
Let me just remind anyone who reads this that this post is not a plea for sympathy or phone calls of encouragement. Frankly, at this stage, I do better with responses like "Holy Majoly, you're in for it!" or "Well..you wanted a big family!". I think this post was more for myself than anything. And don't worry. I will eventually feel better about it. And I believe I will love having the twins when they come. And I think my kids will love being a little trio, at least until/if baby #4 comes along. It's just a bit of an emotional journey for me, as cheesy as that sounds.
But I can say that we make some darn cute babies!! You're welcome, world!